Money and love (and avocados)

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While clearing out the archives of my blog, I found this unpublished post that I wrote on my 2nd anniversary with Andrew. It’s unedited and I  probably wrote it drunk, but it’s sweet and it made me smile. Happy belated Valentine’s Day to all you love birds out there :)

I want to write a blog post about my relationship, and convince you, my reader, that I know what the fuck I’m doing.

With this whole love thing.

Or even the money thing.

Because this is a money and love blog, right? So, c’mon. Get your shit together, Emma.

I can’t write that blog post, because it’s not true. And if we’re being honest, I’m getting a little sick of all the happy fluffy relationship goo on the internet lately.

Here’s the truth –

I cried on our first date, we have fought ALOT about money, we definitely spent way too much eating out, I thought I would have to choose between financial independence and having a relationship, and Andrew thought he would have to choose between his sanity and his love life (direct quote).

I think I once uttered the words, “If it’s rich and alone, or poor and together, you know what I pick.”

And I wasn’t joking.

One of our worst fights was about the price of an avocado. To this day, whenever I suggest buying an avocado, Andrew laughs and says, “Oh no, I’m not falling for that trap.”

That fight was so bad I made a boy from Southern California hate avocados.

So if you thought I was one of those bloggers that just wants to lecture, let me straighten up the record. I know how terrifying it is to talk about money with a new boyfriend. I’ve done it, and failed at it, and caused fights, and done it again. I’ve struggled to be honest about my finances and then bit my tongue until it bled so that I didn’t say, “HOW much did you just spend?!”

I’m the real freaking deal when it comes to the total and complete clusterfuck of money and love. Believe me, I wouldn’t be writing this blog if I didn’t know first-hand that couples need help with money.

 

Because money is about security and power and ego and identity and comfort and our childhoods and all that other ugly shit that comes up when you’re in a relationship. That you must must must deal with. Even if the last thing in the world you want to do is deal with it.

Because when Andrew and I needed help, we had nowhere to turn, and every couple I asked for advice said, we don’t really talk about money, or, ugh, I hate how much money my boyfriend spends, or, turns out she has a ton of credit card debt.

We didn’t do it the easiest way, or the healthiest way. We are like two rhinos, facing off. We just keep butting heads until we exhaust ourselves. And then we lie down together in some field in Kenya and sleep in the sun…

It’s been the best two years of my life.

And worth every penny.

thanks to saltstorm for the photo.

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  • “Because money is about security and power and ego and identity and comfort and our childhoods and all that other ugly shit that comes up when you’re in a relationship. That you must must must deal with. Even if the last thing in the world you want to do is deal with it.”

    Isn’t that the truth? I wish I could say it gets easier, but in 6 years of marriage, communication about money matters is something that Mrs. Superhero and I have had to work on continuously. But it’s worth the effort!

  • Freaking love this. While I haven’t explicitly said ‘I’d rather be rich and alone than together and poor’ (though I’ve written it on the blog!) I have made it clear that for me financial stability is a non negotiable and it is my top priority. Love is no substitute for money.
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